One of my favorite words in the bible is “Lovingkindness.” Depending on the version, this can be one long word, a hyphenated word, or two separate words. I like it as one long word. It seems to stress its impact. Biblically defined, it means mercy, kindness, goodness, to bend or bow oneself, to be gracious and merciful.

It is such a beautiful expression of the deep commitment, emotion and intention of God’s love and care for us and a description of how he intends us to care for others.

When we look honestly at this concept it is very difficult for some people (me included) to apply in real life situations. Lovingkindness was not abundant in the home where I grew up. While we had wonderful times together we also experienced anger, confusion, and downright meanness. Unfortunately, this is what I brought to the relationship with my husband. Over time, I have come to know that it is one of the most important qualities that you can bring to a marriage in its full intensity and purity.

Ed and I met at work. I was a 40-year-old divorced mother of two teenage sons and he was a 37-year-old-never-been-married man. I was a struggling Christian woman and had not yet found a home church. Ed was settled in a small country church where he was Worship and Youth Group leader. While these differences brought their own difficulties, the greatest adjustment for me was understanding and expressing lovingkindness. Through Ed’s patience and unfailing trust in God, he taught me the true meaning of the word.

Lovingkindness is a humbling stance we must take as we hold our spouse in higher esteem than ourselves, being willing and honored to serve their good. To do this on a daily, continuing basis can be rough. We are a very selfish, self-serving people. By practicing lovingkindness we become more keenly aware that what hurts one of us hurts the other. What blesses one, blesses the other. Through marriage, we are one person and when we share God’s best with our partner, we are extending that blessing to ourselves and our marriage.

Life’s difficulties often get in the way. That’s when we must extend more grace, holding them to a higher place, lifting them up, helping them through the difficulties. Ed and I have seen often in our marriage that one person is going through a more trying time than the other. For instance, a few years ago Ed lost his job. While it surely affected me, he’s the breadwinner and needed to find a new means to support us and our household, he also needed me to support him and show him the strength he had difficulty finding. He quickly rediscovered that strength through my example. That’s how it has worked for 27 years now!

Practicing lovingkindness is vital as we seek and experience God’s continuing grace, purpose and power in our marriage.