I spent such a remarkable weekend at a retreat in Jumonville with new family members in Christ. There was excellent teaching and preaching, prayer, a much needed healing service, sweet communion, lots of good food, tender and worshipful music. Thank you to those at my table who served us, then cleared and cleaned the table after. There was hardly any sleep but there was plenty of coffee!

At the end were given the opportunity to share our impressions of the weekend. I almost didn’t share my heart because knew I was going to cry and they had kindly shown that grace to me quite often. I finished by saying I don’t know what my purpose was now as I journey through my new station in life. I knew I would continue to sing God’s praises and check myself daily for ways I might be hindering His work in me. I knew He would take care of me. He always has and He doesn’t change. But I didn’t know how I would accomplish his will.

But something changed within me during that precious moment in time.

Let me back up a bit.

Since an 2016 have been writing the story of how God healed me from a life of pain, sin, terrible decisions and so much more. I’d add a chapter here and there, but it wasn’t really going anywhere.

About 2 years ago I hit a wall. I couldn’t write another word. I was embarrassed because I had told so many people about this wonderful testimony of God’s grace to me. But I just couldn’t write. Nothing was there. It was as though God took my keyboard from me. And my pens and pencils and paper and notebooks.

As I grew less confident in myself, I grew closer to him, more dependent upon him. Over time my prayer life began to change. I had been demanding he change “those people, whatever it takes!“ you know, those people who had hurt me. Now I prayed that he change me, whatever it takes, and to give me a greater love and concern for them.

They aren’t saved. Some are angry at God. Some are doing so very much good, that has to count for something. Whatever their conditions, I remembered when I was the person that was causing the hurt and the pain. I remembered doing that because I was a hurt person. I remembered it’s true that hurt people hurt people.

I began praying for the strength and wisdom to forgive them, whether they forgive me or not. I continue to pray for healing of their hurts and for their salvation. I prayed for the people I blamed for my misery, even the self-inflicted parts.

It felt so good to finally be unburdened by such unforgivingness. And I check myself continuously on my tendency to judge and speak badly of others. That’s hard for me because old habits die hard.

More recently, I’ve been praying for myself, not that God would take away my pain, but to help me grow from it, even in the midst of it. He’s been so gracious to me. I pray for wisdom to know His will, for strength to carry it out and the ability to accomplish it with dignity so as to glorify Him.

But, something changed within me this weekend. I’m writing again!! And I’m loving it!! Maybe this is the purpose for my new life. If so, that is just fine with me!! I can do this…never on my own, but through His power!

Time to finish this book. I can feel the keyboard again.

The only drawback is that now I have to cut my nails. I kind of liked them long. Oh well, a minor sacrifice I’m more than willing to make! 😊

Thank you all, who were mightily used of God for my benefit this weekend. I am eternally grateful.