My Testimony

Each of our lives is filled to the brim the daily decision of all shapes and sizes. Over time, they have added up to create the people we are today. The ability to make the right decisions is wholly based on where we stand with our Creator. He has changed me and is continuing to teach me the difference between decisions that are based in fear and those based on faith.
I was raised in a church-going family. We were there for every Sunday and holiday. We made our First Communion and Confirmation. We were a “good” Catholic family.
At a very early age I had my first memorable encounter with the Holy Spirit, though I didn’t recognize it for what it was. When I was about 9 years of age, I was kneeling in church, when I heard myself say, “There’s got to be more to it than this.” I was shocked and even saddened by what eventually proved to be a true word of God.
I’ve some really bad life experiences. I’ve suffered mental, physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse, often from the people who were supposed to love me the most. Some were inflicted upon me and some were a result of fear-based decisions.
My life was filled with fear. Fear was my god. I was afraid of EVERYTHING:
Being fired
Losing my children
Being single for the rest of my life
Being poor
Being a failure
Being a success
Going to hell
Heights
Dogs
Bugs
Spiders
Being alone
Being in a crowd
Of death
Of living
You name it because the worst of all possibilities was what I believed and expected to happen to me. I was even told by a coworker that I had a black cloud over my head that followed me everywhere.
As a consequence of these experiences, beliefs and very bad decisions, I inflicted harm and hurt on two of the most important people of the face of the earth, my children. So I have seen the affects of abuse and toxic relationships and misdirected faith from the inside out.
In the midst of these difficult years, God introduced a Christian woman into my life. Her name is Suzie. We spoke often about the Christ and the difference He had made in her life. After many months of friendship, she convinced me that if I would just ask Christ to save me from myself and my sins, my life would be different. How he would turn me into a new creation and wipe all my sins away and wash me clean.
Well, I was in my own personal hell and things were progressively getting worse. There wasn’t much further down I could go before I hit the bottom of the pit. I don’t remember exactly what those words were. And although I felt as though I was about to throw myself off a very high mountain and I was about to die…. Or I wouldn’t. I said the words.
Looking back I realize that I really did die that August day in 1986. The old person of Jane was gone forever and a new creature was born. One that would learn to live a new life and build a new future.
It so happens, that that sliver of time in my life was very important to me. About a month later, Suzie turned from all her beliefs and ran to Florida with some guy. So that meant I was completely alone, no Christian friends, no church, no mentor. Just me and God.
The value of that alone time with God still grows to this day. It began me on the journey of faith that has brought me to this wonderful day.
I read my bible, understanding very little of it. There were some sentences that would make perfect sense to even the first time reader. “Jesus wept.”
Then something amazing happened. While flipping through my bible one evening a verse literally jumped off the page at me. I sat stunned as I read these words from Joel 2:25. Paraphrased: “The Lord will restore the years the locusts have eaten.” This was God’s promise to me personally. I have watched this promise come turn to reality as I have continued my life following Him.
Though it has taken years of learning, studying, confessing, forgiving and letting go, the more restored my soul becomes. The deeper I get with God, the more I trust him, the more of myself I’m willing to give to him, the more I wallow in His faithfulness.
From a life of abuse, sin, hopelessness and debilitating fear, God has brought me to a world of fulfillment, love, faith and confidence.
The ugliness of my old life is gone forever. The future continues to grow brighter and brighter.
There have been difficulties. God doesn’t tell you HE will remove all the obstacles and difficulties that arise in our lives, He says he will be there with us through them.
I have had many medical issues. I have had Fibromyalgia since the early 80’s, was diagnosed with Birt-Hogg-Dube Syndrome in 2001, and last year was diagnosed Sjogrens Syndrome. I battle depression. And I have had to separate myself from toxic people. Two of my 4 beautiful grandchildren are on the Autism Spectrum. And I still am believing that God will completely restore the years the locusts have eaten in my relationship with my sons.
But God still showers me with more blessings than I could ever ask or think. Over the years I have worked at pregnancy centers where I know of at least 4 babies lives were saved. I’ve spoken in front of hundreds of people as a representative for Compassion International and even spent a weekend in Lima, Peru visiting our sponsored child. I was the first person my Dad told when he accepted the amazing gift of eternal life, just months before his death. I have been married for 25 years to the man that God had designed just for me. I have met some amazing world renown Christian singers, authors, mentors, business people, and church leaders. I have been in the presence of some of God’s most remarkable silent saints — those that walk through their lives unnoticed but of undying faith and strength and grace. I have become certified in Purpose Profiling that can answer the question “What on Earth and I Here For,” had my own business, done a bit of traveling, I have my own blog. And I’m writing a book!
Life before Christ was hopeless, ugly, harmful and frightening.
While there are still times when I fear being rejected or criticized, I am brave because I know that God didn’t give me a spirit of fear. So when fear enters my heart and my mind, I am quicker to push through it and run to the promises of God. He is restoring my years and growing fresh fruit through His Spirit.
My prayer is that if anyone here has been hesitating to take that leap of faith at the edge of that tall mountain, that you would allow God to remove that fear from your heart. Simply admit you are a sinner and you can’t do this life on your own any more. Ask him to take control of your life and make you into the person He intends for you to be.