With no particular verse in mind that night in 1990, I opened my Bible and just started reading. I’ve heard people say that verses jumped off the page at them. That’s not something I had experienced — until that night….

The words of Joel 2:25 LITERALLY became as neon, drawing me into them and depositing themselves into my heart and my soul: “The Lord will restore the years the locusts have eaten.” I instantly knew that was an absolute promise from God to his people. I knew it was written thousands of years ago, just so I could read it that night and gain that amazing moment, memory and truth for my life. I knew that I would carry those words with me for the rest of my life.

I am way too human not to need God’s blessings and forgiveness on a regular basis. These words have been so helpful in the process of my growth as a Christian. I knew that God forgave me but I could never erase the memories of my reality from my brain. I knew what I had done. I knew what I did was wrong. I knew it was sin. At one point, I had even asked God to turn away and not see what I was about to do. I had so very many sins to be forgiven for. Sins that caused my heart to break, that caused indescribable pain for my children, pain that may never be resolved or overcome.

Joel 2:25 describes the types of locusts — the swarming locust, the hopper, the destroyer and the cutter. Locusts leave nothing in their path of destruction. They are relentless and complete in their pursuit of self-fulfillment. They obliterate everything they encounter.

This aptly describes the destruction I caused in the hearts and lives of my children. I left them alone for hours on end as I pursued my brand of self-fulfillment. They were the victims of my reckless and pitiful example of motherhood. What I didn’t know at the time, is that I was dealing with serious depression issues which went untreated for most of my life. This fact does not excuse my actions, but it helps me deal with the heartache of the memories.

I had already attempted suicide and had strongly pondered it more than once after that. Through the years I had considered leaving my children with their father. I had been mentally, emotionally and physically abused. I had known a series of people who were not healthy for me and couldn’t care any less for my children. The children were ignored and rejected by me. Their tears and cries for love were often left unanswered. It went on and on for many years. And I prayed all along that God would protect them from my actions.

My sins had consequences for a couple of lifetimes. Sadly, the lifetimes that carry the scars of my sins are my sons. As they attempted to survive this life, they added to their pain by making a series of dangerous and unhealthy choices. Eventually, their father also walked away from them and hasn’t seen them for years.

Though I have often told them how sorry I am, I can never ask for their forgiveness. That is a gift that they will have to bestow should they choose to do so. My prayer is that they will seek God to heal them by accepting His peace that passes all understanding. He’s the only one who can heal those deep and lingering hurts. That they even acknowledge me in their lives is beyond what I deserve. They are wonderful men, husbands and fathers. My love and respect for them runs deeply in my heart.

I have been fortunate in that I had been offered and accepted the gift of forgiveness from my Heavenly Father. How I would love to transfer that precious gift to them, but that is a decision we all must make for ourselves.

Miracles really do happen though not one of us deserves them. We are all sinners. Salvation comes through faith is Christ Jesus. When we take that leap of faith, the floodgates of heaven are opened for blessings unimaginable!

One of the first miracles was the one that brought my husband, Ed and I together. He helped me to open my eyes to see life, love and God as never before. He lead me to those offering solid instruction and lessons of faith. He brought me the experience of grace and peace. He made life worth living. Our married life has been a wonderful adventure of growing in Christ, traveling in service to God’s people, partnering with organizations and church groups focused on improving the lives of others, blossoming in the areas of giftedness that we were created for.

This doesn’t mean life is always easy. I have had medical and emotional issues that require attention. We have suffered loss of loved ones. We live through difficulties just as everyone else. But we have strength that sustains us and faith that carries us through. We are not hopeless. We have God’s promises to rely on.

Through these years God has demonstrated the faithfulness of the promise to restore the years the locusts have eaten. In doing so, He has used us to share that same promise to others who are hopeless in their current circumstances. There is no secret to it. Simply accept the gift that the Son offers.

That is my prayer for all who don’t know Christ as their Lord and Savior. It truly is that simple.